the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
