Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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