Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
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We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
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In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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