I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
