I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
