I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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