How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
