there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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