Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize