i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
