the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
