Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
did you just send me my own nude
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
