how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize