then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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