The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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