I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
false alarm, still single
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
