So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
