carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.