; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
