She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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