I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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