I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
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I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
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I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?