u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline