sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
