Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.