why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
