Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
