"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
