there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
