So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize