Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
