I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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