you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
