Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
