God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
