i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
