dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
