I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
