They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
