There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
