She's JV to your varsity
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
