i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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