Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
please come you make the beer taste better
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
