You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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