So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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