I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
