he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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