I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
