i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
