Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
