Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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