nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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