but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
