i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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