paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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