i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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