now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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