My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
