So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
