She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
