i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
