She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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