i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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