they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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