He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
