i permit you to call me
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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