you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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