I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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