i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
