Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
