This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Buhtt sex?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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