well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
