So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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