I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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