Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
