When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
