my mouth tastes like poor choices
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
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