Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
