Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
