i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
