Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
