she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
