Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
